Ashanti Titus at 23 in 2010 (right after the big chop)
When I decided to go natural in the summer of 2010 it was because of vanity. Bottom line I went natural because my hair was a mess. It was damaged, broken and shedding like crazy. My husband Reginald and I had just had our first child. I was reading online that postpartum hair loss was a real issue for thousands of women. Essentially, I learned that I was contributing the demise of my hair by chemically processing it. I had no idea that chemical relaxer broke down the protein bonds in our hair. I was floored.
Fear is an illusion
Fear set in. I knew that I could not continue to live my life the way that I was living it. I could not continue to harm myself and be okay with it. Then I went into panic mode. What was I going to look like? What if I do not look right? What if people don’t accept me anymore? What if I do not feel beautiful? It is crazy how the things that we fear the most can be the most freeing decisions that we make.
Educate Yourself
I must say that my husband was super supportive of me. I started studying and researching like crazy. I started to devour any articles and videos that I could find about natural hair. I found some amazing Youtubers. Some of the youtubers were Longhairdontcare2011, TarenGuy, and Naptural85. They all were documenting their natural hair journey. They all inspired me to take the leap to return to natural.
Transitioning
When I decided to return to natural I chose to grow it out and slowly transition. I was blending the two textures with flatirons, flexi rods, and braids. Then I hit month 7. I got tired of blending the textures. My sister came over to do my hair and I told her to just cut off all the perm. She looked at me and she said, “ARE YOU SURE?” I looked at her dead in the eyes and told her I was beyond sure. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Okay!” She took out the scissors and began to cut. She cut my hair until nothing was left but the three inches of new growth that I had. Just like that I was now a part of the big chop family.
It was an interesting experience. I felt free, I felt clarity, and I felt just a little bit of uncertainty as to how I was going to style my short twa. In my adult and teenage life my hair had never been that short! During this short hair stage my hair routine consisted of wash and gos and deep conditioning treatments.
I was working a temporary accounting position. I returned to work the following Monday and I was met with a mixed bag of responses. Some people just stared at me blankly. Other people commented, “Oh so you changed your hair.” I remember that I had one black woman to congratulate me for going natural. She hid her natural hair under her wig.
Little did I know that would be my last day there. They did not even give me a reason as to why they ended my contract so abruptly. I met all of the goals and tasks that they gave me. The contract was not supposed to end for 6 months. I had so many questions in my mind. I found myself sad and slightly depressed because of this new predicament I found myself in. Then a fire started to burn inside of me!
How was I going to allow a job to dictate my feelings, my mindset, and my economics? I knew that I had to do something. I went online and I started researching. I saw that other black millennial women were dealing with the exact same issues that I was dealing with. Receiving disparaging comments about their hair from family members and co-workers! Some women even lost their jobs because they decided to wear their natural hair! I could not just sit on this. So, I went to my husband (who is a filmmaker) to pitch him the idea of a documentary about natural hair! I showed him all the women who were dealing with these issues online. He agreed. We then started the production of the film. Met some amazing people along the way. This journey sent me through the “natural hair portal” as my cousin JLeshaé called. It is now July 3, 2020. I am 10 years and 2 months natural, and I have absolutely no plans to ever return to damaging my health, hair, mind, and spirit with sulfur hydroxide.
I am going to celebrate my natuversary by giving away some goodies to our followers on Instagram! Thank you for everyone who has supported me along the way!! :)
Cheers!
Ashanti Titus